I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
