I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
