So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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