I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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