dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was confusing and full of hummus
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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