you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If its not for food we ain't going out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
