I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
