I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
