You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize