I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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