Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
