upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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