Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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