I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
