So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize