I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
