Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
