Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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