People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
