Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
