why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
