Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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