i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
