If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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