dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
