I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
