eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
