grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
