Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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