Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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