my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
