we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize