I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
