So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
