Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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