Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
