I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
