Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
