We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
