Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
