I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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