i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
