She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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