Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
