Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize