I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
