I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
