I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
