I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize