just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
