I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
