I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
