so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You may now shotgun with the bride
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
