OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
