I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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