I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
