I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
