I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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