but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
