Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
