He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
