i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
