How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
