We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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