You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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