I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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