You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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