I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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