Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
