remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
