too bad you live with your parents still
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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