Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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