your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
