Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you never un-have a 4some
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize