Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
