Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
