Don't make out with my wife yet
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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