I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
