If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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