I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
