I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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