I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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