I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
