Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I still have a little drunk in my system
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
