ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
