porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
