Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
