Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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