Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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