Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
