He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
