I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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