btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
